Making a Good Impression on Your Chinese Girlfriend's Family
Meeting your partner's family, especially when you come from different cultures, can be nerve-wracking.
To make a good impression on your Chinese girlfriend's family, you must prioritize showing deep respect, adhering to conservative social norms, and meticulously following proper etiquette regarding greetings, gift-giving, and public conduct.
What Is the Etiquette for Meeting Chinese People?
If you are a man seriously looking for marriage with a foreign woman, understanding local social customs is key to success.
When meeting your Chinese girlfriend’s family, remember that respect is a courtesy due to a person, especially the other loved ones of your partner.
Use proper honorifics and observe filial piety.
In Chinese society and Chinese culture, addressing elders by their first name is perceived as a form of disrespect. This cultural emphasis on respecting elders is often rooted in the concept of filial piety.
Avoid First Names: Never call family members by their given names.
Use Formal Titles: Address them using formal titles such as "Mr." or "Mrs.".
Use Affectionate Titles: An even better approach is to use affectionate, familial titles like “Auntie” or “Uncle.” This shows effort to become closer while still giving them the respect they deserve.
Adopt a conservative dress code.
The first meeting is an opportunity to show you are a responsible and mature potential husband, not an immature ragamuffin.
Stick to Smart Casual: Traditional Chinese family values require a conservative, smart casual dress code.
Cover Up: Ensure any obvious tattoos are covered.
Be Neat: Your clothes should also be well-ironed.
Dress Appropriately: Imagine you are dressing for a church service; this level of formality is generally appropriate for meeting traditional Chinese parents.
Observe gift-giving protocol.
Bringing gifts when invited to a household is a polite gesture in Asian culture. However, certain rules must be followed:
Appropriate Gifts: Food items are generally welcome.
Inappropriate Gifts: Do not give watches, clocks, or fans, as the Mandarin names for these items often sound like words associated with death.
Presentation Matters: Hand over the gift using both hands.
Opening the Gift: Do not insist that your hosts open the gift in front of you. In many Asian countries, it is customary to open gifts in private.
Avoid Over-Gifting: Do not bring anything overly heavy or elaborate (like an entire cooked dish), as this may imply you find their hospitality lacking.
Show appreciation for their hospitality.
Chinese families take immense pride in their reputation for hospitality. Showing genuine appreciation for the food reflects your respect for your host.
Compliment the Cook: Compliment their cooking and the delicious local cuisine.
Eat Everything Served: Demonstrate respect by eating everything they serve you.
Refusing Extra Servings: Hosts will likely keep offering you more food, even if you are full. To gently decline without offending, say, “I’m full,” in the local language (e.g., Mandarin). This flatters your host and shows extra effort.
Mind your body language and avoid PDA.
Traditional Chinese family values are conservative. You must be mindful of your nonverbal communication, especially physical affection.
Avoid Excess: Steer clear of excessive public displays of affection (PDA).
Limit Contact: The maximum acceptable physical interaction is usually holding hands.
No Kissing: Anything beyond holding hands, especially kissing, is generally frowned upon.
Alternative Affection: Show affection through consideration rather than physicality. For example, volunteer to fetch your partner a drink or offer your jacket if she is cold. Parents will instantly appreciate seeing that you are considerate of their daughter.
Becoming Part of the Family
When you commit to a Chinese woman, you are also choosing to join her family.
For the Chinese, this means engaging with an often extensive extended family setup, including parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and even close family friends.
Make sure you pay sufficient attention to all family members, even those who seem like distant relatives. You must also be sincere in your interactions. They are likely observing whether you can fit in with the rest of the family and engage with them properly.
Treating your future in-laws excellently and making a good impression is a great way to secure the future of your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best way to address Chinese family elders?
You should avoid using their first names. Use formal titles like "Mr." or "Mrs." or show extra respect by using affectionate familial titles such as "Auntie" or "Uncle."
Should I bring a gift when visiting a Chinese household?
Yes, bringing a gift is a polite gesture. Food items are generally appropriate, but avoid gifts like watches, clocks, or fans. The Mandarin names for these objects sound like words associated with death or farewell, which is considered inauspicious. Always present the gift using both hands to show respect, and do not insist that they open it immediately.
Is public display of affection (PDA) acceptable around a Chinese family?
Traditional Chinese family values are generally conservative. You should avoid excessive PDA. The maximum acceptable physical contact is usually holding hands, since kissing in public is generally frowned upon.
How should I politely decline more food during a meal?
Asian hosts will often offer extra servings. To gently decline without offense, you can say, "I'm full" in the local language (like Mandarin). This shows effort and appreciation for their hospitality.
Should I interact with my partner's extended Chinese family members?
Yes. When committing to a Chinese woman, you are joining an extensive family network. You should make a sincere effort to pay attention and properly engage with all relatives, including grandparents, aunts, and cousins.
